The LORD will take you, right now where you are, and exactly the way that you are, but I guarantee He will not leave you there.
In 2004, I was living in an all complete consuming depression. Something I did not know then but I do know now, is that I was ruled by the darkness of this world. But yet, all I wanted was to be out of this world.
What I discovered a few years later was that I didn’t really want to die, I just didn’t want to live. That might be hard for some folks to understand but if you have been oppressed by depression, then you understand. It seemed like it would just be easier for me to be dead than to live the way I was living. I was hurting so badly but I was deceived into believing that no-one cared.
I kept trudging along the best I could but life just became more and more depressing no matter how hard I tried and somewhere during the end of the year, I made a decision to take myself out of this world.
I didn’t tell anyone how I was feeling. My husband knew what had occured and how far that pain had progressed. He was feeling pretty hurt too but there was nothing either one of us could do about it. I didn’t tell anyone about my decision, especially my husband.
The day had finally come. I didn’t want to do anything around the holidays because I didn’t want my children to have to remember something so horrible during the holidays. So I waited until after the first of the year. It was somewhere in that time area when the time came. I had already made my decision that I was not going to be here anymore.
But in the middle of all that, God stepped into my life in an amazing amazing way. The whole reason I am sharing all of this today is because along my ‘new’ life journey I just recently figured something out.
Twice now since that awful time, I have come to my wits end, regarding different circumstances. In both of these times, I had to come to the point of giving up.
This last time had to do with finding a way to get the Insurance company to pay for the Cat Scan that I knew I needed because the ultra sound did not show what I ‘knew’ was there. I did not know what that ‘something’ was but I know my body and I knew something was growing inside of me. The ultra sound ruled out a hernia so I was stumped, but that did not convince me that there wasn’t something growing because I could feel it.
But, after six months of trying, I did finally give up. I decided, ok, no-one wants to believe me or help me so I just gave up and decided that if I should perished, I would perish. I am fairly certain that I will arise in the first resurrection and since I know which side I am on, I just said ok, I am done. I quit fighting, but never stopped praying.
Only God knows when we have fully surrendered.
That very next morning, [Friday] after I got out of the Lord’s way, He stepped in. Even though I always include God in my plans or what I’m trying to do, that doesn’t mean that I’m heading in the right direction. I’m human. I’m not God and I do not always know what’s best for me, even though I might think I do.
God completely guided my steps. By that very afternoon, I was told by my doctors receptionsit that he had told her to call me and tell me that on Monday , he was going to take care of this and I was not to fret or worry about it.
All of my friends and my family know that I am a fighter. I don’t give up. But the three times that I did, God stepped in on my behalf and opened the door that He wanted me to walk through.
Sometimes we really do have to just admit that we are nothing in ourselves. We need His interference on our behalf. We need this because first of all, it is faith building to see the hand of God. Full surrender gives Him all He needs to be glorified. Whenever I share my testimony, He is glorified in that too.
So…. If you are at a cross road in your life and do not know what to do, stop….. stand still and know that He is God.
Seariously…. just stop and fully surrender that you are helpless. He stands for the weak. He stands for the oppressed. He can be your defender and carry you to where you need to be. We can’t pull a fast one over His eyes so don’t try to do that. Just give it all to Him and step away from it.
Way back in 2004, when I gave up on wanting to live in this world, is when He entered my life and made such a huge impact and forever changed my life. I gave up because I was done. Where there was great pain, now there is great joy.
If you want to see His hand move all over, in every area of your life, surrender it all to Him. What have you got to loose?
Stand still and see the salvation of the LORD.
I’m loyal. And no matter how many times my loyalty has been abused, that is one characteristic of mine that will never change. He knows this about me. He is my refuge in the storm. He is my safe harbor. He is my comforter and my deliverer. The God of Israel is my salvation in all things. He can be all of this for you too.